By Varshha Sangal
People often assume toxic relationships are a matter of “bad luck,” wrong timing, or choosing the wrong person. But the truth is far deeper, and far more uncomfortable:
You don’t attract toxic relationships because of who the other person is. You attract them because of the energetic patterns you carry within you.
This is not to blame.
This is awareness.
And awareness is the first doorway to change.
As someone who works with the subconscious and energetic imprints people carry, I have seen a clear truth in hundreds of clients:
Your relationships reflect unresolved emotional programming — not your intentions.
If patterns repeat, there is a deeper cause waiting to be seen.
1. You Are Attracted to What Feels Familiar, Not What Feels Healthy
People repeat what they know, even if it hurts.
If you grew up around:
• inconsistency
• emotional distance
• criticism
• instability
• suppression
• fear or unpredictability
your nervous system quietly formats itself to believe:
“this is love.”
So when someone offers chaos, it feels familiar.
And familiarity feels safe — even when it isn’t.
Until you shift the energetic memory in the body, you will keep choosing the same emotional pattern in a different person.
2. Your Self-Worth Determines What You Tolerate
You don’t attract what you desire.
You attract what you believe you deserve.
If a part of you carries:
• guilt
• shame
• unworthiness
• fear of being too much
• fear of being abandoned
• fear of being alone
you unconsciously allow behaviours that match that frequency.
People don’t stay in toxic dynamics because they are weak.
They stay because their internal story says,
“This is the best I can get.”
Changing this requires energetic work, not just logic.
Your mind can know your worth, while your energy still clings to old wounds.
3. You Are Trying to Heal Something From Your Past
Many toxic attractions are actually unconscious attempts to rewrite history.
You relive similar dynamics because on some level you want to “finally fix it.”
This is why people say,
“I know they’re not good for me, but I feel pulled toward them.”
That pull is unresolved emotional memory.
Until you clear the original wound — not the repeated person — the cycle continues.
4. Your Body Holds Emotional Imprints You Haven’t Released
Even when the mind moves on, the body remembers.
It remembers:
• abandonment you never expressed
• heartbreak you never processed
• fear you never voiced
• boundaries you never learned
• love you were never given
These emotional imprints attract situations that match them.
This is why Access Consciousness and energetic clearing work so quickly: they release the stored charge behind your reactions — the part traditional methods rarely touch.
When the emotional imprint dissolves, the pattern cannot repeat.
5. You Confuse Intensity With Connection
Many people think love is supposed to feel dramatic, overwhelming, or consuming.
This belief often forms in childhood, where emotional regulation wasn’t modeled.
So intensity becomes equal to passion.
Chaos becomes equal to chemistry.
But true connection is calm, and the calm feels boring until the internal storm settles.
Until your nervous system learns safety, you will mistake emotional activation for love.
6. You Haven’t Rewritten Your Relationship Identity
Every person carries an identity in relationships such as:
• the fixer
• the giver
• the healer
• the one who sacrifices
• the one who is chosen last
• the one who proves their worth
• the one who stays even when it hurts
This identity runs subconsciously and overrides conscious choices.
If your identity does not allow healthy love, you will unconsciously sabotage it — or push it away.
Transforming identity requires energetic clearing at a deeper level, not positive thinking.
The Most Important Truth: Toxic Patterns Break When Awareness Begins
You don’t break the cycle by choosing a different person.
You break the cycle by becoming a different version of yourself.
A version who:
• trusts themselves
• feels worthy of gentleness
• recognises red flags early
• doesn’t rescue broken people
• doesn’t confuse pain with love
• knows how love is supposed to feel
• feels at ease in calm, consistent relationships
This version emerges when you heal the energetic patterns that created the old relationships.
This is the work I do with clients — helping them release the emotional and subconscious imprints that keep attracting the same experiences. When those imprints dissolve, the attraction towards toxicity simply stops. Your frequency changes, and your relationships change with it.
Why This Isn’t Your Fault — But It Is Your Responsibility
You didn’t choose your emotional programming.
You inherited it, absorbed it, survived through it.
But healing is now your choice.
You are not meant to relive the same heartbreak through different people.
You are meant to experience a version of love that feels safe, steady, and expanding.
And the moment you begin shifting your inner energy, your outer relationships shift automatically.